FF8 Vs. The Backstreet Boys/Girls
by The Chaotic Demon
Summary: The FF8 gang goes against one of the deadliest boy bands ever, the backstreet boys! -Rated R for being someting like Scary Movie ^_^ reviews appreciated!-
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1-  
  
It was another perfect day at the Garden. Squall was out doing some "training" with Quistis...err was leveling up in the training room, Rinoa was cheating on him with Seifer... i mean... Rinoa was locked inside her room and couldn't get out, Irvine was getting beaten up by Selphie for talking to other girls, and Zell was just munching on some hot dogs while watching Selphie beat Irvine up.  
  
"Hey, look at this!" Yelled Selphie, pointing at a newspaper article, obviously being tired of her 'pretend to be fighting Irvine while actually madly making love to him' act.  
  
"Hmmm... it says some group called The backstreet babes... err boys are going to Esthar for a concert!" Irvine retorted (sp?) "What's so exciting about that?"  
  
"Well, if you haven't noticed, we as a group haven't been out anywhere... (and i think Rinoa and Squall need it too... they've been cheating on each other ever since Rinoa was strapped to that flat monkey Adel! They should have time to bond their relationship... or what's left of it...)"   
  
"Yeah... i think that's a good idea! i mean, they'll probably be selling hot dogs at the concert, right?" Zell asked.  
  
"Not the kind YOU'RE looking for! You'll only get those at a guy's restroom at a busy Chicago subway stop!" Irvine stuck his tongue out at Zell. Zell just rolled his eyes and continued to munch on his hotdogs.   
Just then, Rinoa walked into the room with Seifer, both of them drenched in sweat and wearing messy clothes. Selphie and Irvine just exchanged glances.   
A few minutes later, Squall came in with Quistis, Quistis smirking evilly with her whip in her hand and Squall looking a bit pained. Both were also in messy clothes, and again, Selphie and Irvine just exchanged glances.  
  
"Hey you guys, we're going to go to the Backstreet boy's concert tomorrow! so start packing because we have to be at esthar soon... i want to go shopping!" Squealed Selphie.  
  
"Uh... what? but i dont really want to..." Squall was cut off by Irvine  
  
"Oh, come on Squall! We all need to relax! I mean, with you being the new headmaster and all, you might go psycho with all the work you've been doing... so come on, lets just go! Besides, we're probably going to be back tomorrow!" Irvine smacked Squall's back and let out a laugh "So, what do you say?" Squall let out a loud yell. Everyone jumped back except for Quistis, who had a dreamy look on her face and was fingering her whip.  
  
"Oh.. uh oops! i forgot to mention... i uh sleep in the nude and i uh always sleep on my back.. so then the sun always shines through my window and lands on my... uh back and i got a... uh sunburn!" Squall smiled weakly. Everyone just stood in silence. "Oh, uh... i better get packing to go to Esthar!" he said as he rushed out of his room. Quistis quickly followed him out along with Rinoa who was yelling "You sleep in the nude?!"  
  
"Well, uh... i guess we all better start packing..." Said Irvine, who felt uncomfortable after what Squall had just said. Everyone left the room except for Seifer and Zell. Seifer just stared as he saw Zell pick up a sausage from his hot dog and start to lick it and suck on it.   
  
"What are you looking at? Don't you know that sausages have juices in them that come out when you suck on them?" Zell asked casually.   
  
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okay... that was sorta long... anyways, i gotta go right now, so tell me what you think of the story, aight?  
  



	2. Chapter-o two-o

Chapter 2-  
  
Squall was in his room. Nursing the 'sunburns' on his back, when he recieved a phone call.   
  
"Hello?" The voice on the other end sounded a bit... well, we won't go into details about that right now.  
  
"Yes...?" replied Squall.  
  
"Well, my name is Nick Car... i mean, Kcin Retrac, and i have an assignment for you. I need you to assasinate... wait, that term is only used for IMPORTANT people... i'd like you to KILL the Backstreet Boys... All except for Nick Carter! that... is, because he's innocent!" Squeaked the other...person... on the phone.  
  
"Er... innocent? listen, i don't really understand what you mean, and i just can't go murdering innocent people, you know!" Squall half said half yelled, as he felt a fly land on his 'sunburns'.  
  
"Well, don't you see?! The Backstreet... wait... let me rephrase that... They aren't even worth capitalizing. The backstreet bois are sucking the younger generation into Porn, Drugs, and Sex (Please note that these words ARE worth capitalizing!) with their music! Why, just the other day, i saw some boys in a dark alley playing... 'Armma-get-it-on' while saying "Ok, you can be Kevin and i'll be Nick!" I mean, they were giving parts away as if it were some kind of show!... well, actually, now that i think about it... that would explain the cameras and... wait, but thats not the point! just look what its doing to GIRLS! They now carry backstreet bois merchandise! such as "The new BSB whip! (this is where Squall winced), the new BSB hot dogs with juices in them that you can suck out!, new BSB books that tell you how to cheat on your boyfriend while pretending that they're stuck in their room and how to madly make love to your lover while making it look like you're having a fight with him!" Squall could tell that the other voice was getting a bit frusterated now.  
  
"So... you want us to kill them?" Squall asked.  
  
"WELL DUH! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" Kcin Retrac yelled.  
  
"Okay... umm i need time to discuss this with the other SeeDs. Actually, we're going to see the Backstreet... wait... backstreet boys tomorrow! so then we can work this out. Could you..." Squall was cut off by Kcin who answered.  
  
"EXCELLENT! ill meet you at Esthar's airport at 12pm tomorrow!" And with that, Kcin Retrac hung up.   
  
Squall sat back down on his bed and intercommed the others to his room immediately. He was careful, of course, to cover up his 'sunburns' so that the others wouldn't see...  
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This chapter was a bit short... ill be putting up more in a while, though! 


	3. Chapter-o three-o

*Disclaimer* - Here's something i forgot to mention... These characters do not belong to me... they belong to Squaresoft... okay? do you understand? good... oh, and if you don't like jokes that relate to sex or stuff (just think Scary Movie) then STAY AWAY FROM THIS FIC!   
thank you! - now, enjoy!  
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Chapter 3--  
  
The gang were on their way to Esthar. Selphie was flying the plane with Irvine in the seat and with her legs up in the air, Rinoa and Squall were playing hide-and-seek (again, Rinoa was "locked" in a closet with Seifer and couldn't get out, and Squall was trapped in the bathroom with Quisty, desperately screaming for help. But of course, no one even tried, for EVERYONE knows that a door can't be unlocked from the outside!), and Zell was... "playing" with his hot dogs.  
  
By the time they had reached Esthar, everyone who WAS a virgin had lost their virginity at least 10 times because Selphie couldn't really steer with her legs up in the air so they had really gone around the world around 3 times.   
  
When they had gotten off the Ragnarock, They were greeted by the man who called himself Kcin Retrac.  
  
"Hello, you must be the group i called in for the mission! uhm... it isn't safe to talk here, lets go to my place!" He yelled as he saw a mob running towards him, a few with pen and paper, a few with signs that said "GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALITY! TURN BACK! REPENT!", and most with signs that just said "I HATE BACKSTREET BOYS!", "WILL YOU GIVE ME FREE SEX?!", "DIE! DIE! DIE!" He quickly called a limo and got into it, banging his head onto the limo a few times in his panicked state.  
  
After what seemed like forever, they were off, leaving the ever-so-slowly moving mob behind them, which was hardly even noticed by the FF8 group.   
  
"Well, now that we're all safe and uhh, sound, lets get down to business, shall we?" asked Kcin, looking up at the bruise on his forehead.   
"First of all, we will have to come up with a rough plan of how to kill the backstreet boys and then put it to action, for we only have until tomorrow untill the concert starts. Any ideas?" Everyone just stared blankly at him.   
  
"Can i have a backstreet boy hotdog?" Zell asked, breaking the silence.   
  
Kcin tossed a handful of backstreet hot dogs at the young man who eagerly thanked him and started chomping down on them."Now, for PLANS!" he cried.  
  
After a moment of silence, Quistis spoke up. "May i have a backstreet boy whip?" she asked. Kcin rolled his eyes and handed her a package.   
  
"HERE!" He shrieked. "NOW! GIVE ME PLAN IDEAS!" The others just stayed silent. The only thing heard was the sound of Zell sucking on his new hot dogs.  
  
"Well, first of all, aren't you supposed to have already come up with a plan? i mean, you're the one that hired us to kill these... uh what was it you called them again? faggots?" Squall asked.  
"And another thing. How did you get all these backstreet boy stuff? I mean, i thought you hated them?" At this, Kcin could only stay quiet.   
  
"Uh... er... more sausages, Zell?" He asked with a hint of worry in his voice. "Yeah, sure! keep them coming!" He cried and he greedily sucked on the sausages. The others just stared at him in silence as they saw some white juice drip onto his shirt.   
  
"Well, err... i... these were delivered to me for free! and as you can see, i am more than eager to give them away" Kcin replied with a weak smile, handing Quisty another package of whips.   
  
"Now, for the plan..." For a moment, the others could have sworn that they saw a smirk on his face while he said this.  
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ok. i know it wasn't that funny, but i was out of ideas! it'll be more funny later, when they pull off the plan! heheheh... Read and REVIEW! 


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